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Many are clear in their online ads that they're looking for "femme, not butch" women, because it's precisely the feminine "lipstick" ladies who offer them a sexual break from the men in their lives."Women are so soft and captivating," gushes Ruby, a 31-year-old fashion sales coordinator who lives with her boyfriend in New York but has a long-standing lust for women that she's acted on in the past.

and its "gay for the stay" jailbirds are Netflix magic.Instead, year after year, the women said things like, "That was an amazingly powerful relationship with Anna, but I'm pretty sure I'm still straight."Many straight women who occasionally sex other women insist they're not lesbians — because they only want to date men.And they're not bi either; they don't want to date both genders seriously. let's make each other feel good for a little bit, then I'll learn more about what I like too.'" This never backfires — except when it does. Sometimes that person is a man, and sometimes that person is a woman; sometimes that person is short, and sometimes that person is tall," she says.Ruby says her magnetic attraction to women has made her question whether she's a lesbian. "If I had a relationship with a female, wouldn't it be like having your bestie over all the time? "For some, like Nicole, a 31-year-old journalist in Cleveland who says she's "one hundred percent straight," hooking up with other women in no-strings-attached situations is a way to explore what turns her on in a safe, no-boys-allowed kind of environment."When I hook up with men, it's because I want to date them, so there's a level of awareness [during sex] in wanting things to work out," she says. "There's fear among some lesbian women that [straight yet fluid] women are just going to mess around with them and break their hearts," says Trish Bendix, the editor-in-chief of After Ellen.com, a popular lesbian-focused website. "I guess I don't label myself because I don't want others to label me either."In the future, sexual labels may die altogether, Diamond predicts.She adds that many younger members of the lesbian community support women's right to "love who they love," but there are also concerns that fluid women are down for gay sex, but not the struggle that can come with being gay or bi: "I hear from a lot of women who want others to identify and be on our team." Allie says she has unintentionally confused a few female hookups. In the early '90s, the idea of being unlabeled didn't even exist.After re-interviewing them every two years (she's currently prepping for her 20-year check-in with the group, which now consists of 89 women), she found that 72 percent reported "wiggle room" around traditional labels like gay, straight, and bi.